Reflections From My 28th Year
I turned 29 in November.
It was my first time jotting down my reflections and milestones from turning a year older.
Every year after 26 has been hard. Not just because facing my age after 25 seemed daunting, but personally too: both in navigating COVID-19 and “ghosts from my past” creeping up on me. 28, in particular, was ground-breaking in its challenges and its leaps forward.
If I were speaking and affirming my younger self, this is what I’d say to her:
“Love your neighbour as yourself”: With God’s help, you can be kind in the midst of painful accusations and hardship caused by others.
Jon and I walked through some personal difficulties with another party, in a conflict that kept spiralling out of control. It was extremely difficult to maintain a balanced view, I grieved for many weeks on end. Amidst everything, empathy and extending understanding towards our “adversary” was paramount. I had to constantly remind us that both parties were hurt, distressed, overwhelmed and trying to cope the best way we could. These ways may not always be honouring, respectful, kind, or the best, which results in more hurt. But the cycle ends when we don’t seek revenge for ourselves, asking God for forgiveness to begin in our hearts first.
With hard work in prioritising your mental health, you can overcome trauma and harassment. But you also can’t do it alone.
I thank God for therapy and counselling. Going through many sessions of Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy helped desensitise the anxiety and panic I so often felt.
Maybe you’ve always thought you’re impulsive and impatient. But in your 28th year, you learned and exercised patience in a long-drawn season where Jon had to navigate job uncertainty in the midst of an unstable economy and the global pandemic.
I had to learn to give Jon space to walk this path, and to learn that God holds and directs his life, not me. Through that, I learned much, watching him put in such an excellent effort in whatever the role he took on.
You can live with much, much less. 65% of your belongings were moved into storage because you and Jon had to move to your mom’s home on short notice, and because your actual home was delayed by the pandemic.
It was uncomfortable and unglamorous. But it was through this that I discovered that I don’t need luxury or an abundance of possessions.
Relationships are a life-time’s work. You had to navigate living back with your family of origin, after getting married and starting your family unit.
It was good that it made me reflect on my role as a daughter and a sister, and what it means to add value to my family.
You realised you still had much to learn from your mom, after watching her be generous in giving you and Jon her spacious master bedroom and offering to cook dinners for the whole family on a regular basis.
You were made to do good work. You took on a leap of faith and accepted a book design job from David after resting from work for a while.
I came out of a shaky period of my life after intense burnout, unsure of my skills and lacking the confidence that I could do good work. But thankfully there were people like David who believed in and supported me, giving me unmerited grace to grow again.
There is a time for everything, a set period of purposeful activity.
I was given a lot of time to take care of Oreo. Thankfully so, because the next couple of months after moving back to my mom’s would see Oreo spending her last days here on earth. I learned compassion, care, and responsibility. I’m proud of myself for accepting her death maturely.
You overcame analysis-paralysis and perfectionism by biting the bullet and launching your business.
Prior to the launch, there were many months of self-doubt and fear. Perfectionism, my old friend, struck again and stayed my hand in putting things out into the world. But I’m glad I took the plunge and tried, because I learned from it.
You learned patience by having to wait for your “forever home”.
Other milestones included:
Renovating our “forever home” and working through the ups and downs of a shared project together with Jon
Started a new part time job at TheCharlotteMei with a great and dynamic team
Grew more confident in working again, and working hard
Managing commutes better, with close to no panic attacks anymore
Finished my Apparel Design and Product Development Diploma with TaF.tc
Settled most of my father’s estate matters after 4 years of setbacks due to the pandemic
Got COVID-19 after 2 years of being COVID-free, which made me love being healthy so much more
Found more ease and delight in discovering and enjoying the company of people by spending time with friends after church service on most Sundays
Developed a closer bond with my cell group
The phrase I’d use to describe my 28th year is “growing in strength,” which is surprising to me because I’ve had a self-perception of weakness, fear and frailty for the longest time, and an even greater deep-seated belief that I will never overcome these tendencies.
God had other plans, completely overturning my own self-doubt through trials and refining circumstances.
“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”